this beating heart

every time i always say to myself that enough is enough. i always try to think otherwise yet whenever i gaze at your face or even hear your voice, something still beats for you. something still wants to run and just go and hug you even if you'd be just pushing me away.  why do we always tend to hurt yet we still choose to be with that person? why do we often find ourselves drawn still to that notion of happy ever after even if we have moved past beyond that? does the expression of the heart really too deep to comprehend by the more stable and resolute brain? will there be a time when every thing that we would be doing are dictations of the heart with a small part of the mind on it? and which is better? uniting the heart and mind for love or using either for each purposes? so many questions still, yet so little answers. and deliberately, such answers only exist when you have truly experienced the emotions i'm talking about here. when you are bombarded with arguments and reasons. when each side of your persona tends to pull you toward opposite directions every time. when you can't even begin to think anything else but to just sleep when your body gives up and eat when forced to.

i guess its true what they say about it---love, that it does possess something magical with it. it cannot be explained by mere words alone and actions. sometimes, it is in the silence of each other that love is often communicated. it defies logic and reasons. it has no boundaries, no limitations, no rules. it implores condescending peculiarities every now and then and yet it all sums up to one thing---you choose to be with that person because of it. some even die for it. they even take their lives for it. or is it really that complicated---love? that the mere explorations done by our brain cannot begin to fathom the emotions it stirs within us. it's not just mere romance or the occasional butterflies-in-the-stomach episodes or the pimples you acquire from thinking too much about that person that you forget to sleep. it goes way beyond that. it goes so deep, it ruins you and improves you at the same time! confusing, isn't it? but that is just it! its simple yet too complicated. its not just ends in the mere ever after stories we often hear. it is beyond life itself and no one can really see that. and it's so sad to know that no one can see and feel that it is like that. it breaks you down to the very simple composition of your being and that's dangerous because by then, we are very vulnerable. we are weak and it holds on there.

so why does our hearts still "beat" for love? i mean shouldn't fear, pain and instability be enough reason to veer away from it in the first place? yet, we still choose to do so, we still prefer to take the risk and plunge ourselves even deeper than the first time, because we love. now, i don't know if that is sad or just stupid or just is...love.