Conspicuous Nuances

sometimes, i just wish i can just cry it all out to sleep but i can't. anger, madness, everything, all emotions surge all at once but i cannot get myself to forget you...damn it. damn this heart.

every time i always say to myself that enough is enough. i always try to think otherwise yet whenever i gaze at your face or even hear your voice, something still beats for you. something still wants to run and just go and hug you even if you'd be just pushing me away.  why do we always tend to hurt yet we still choose to be with that person? why do we often find ourselves drawn still to that notion of happy ever after even if we have moved past beyond that? does the expression of the heart really too deep to comprehend by the more stable and resolute brain? will there be a time when every thing that we would be doing are dictations of the heart with a small part of the mind on it? and which is better? uniting the heart and mind for love or using either for each purposes? so many questions still, yet so little answers. and deliberately, such answers only exist when you have truly experienced the emotions i'm talking about here. when you are bombarded with arguments and reasons.

just when I felt like my desire to read hard copies have started to drift away, this new book sparked my attention again and have drawn me toward to browse its pages and read on. the story is intriguing, somewhat magical and exciting...just like my childhood best friend said, it's a book that is "unputdownable"...try to check it out: Before Ever After by Samantha Sotto. The author is a Filipina and this is her first book which got published and attained international recognition as a best seller. yey!

recently, we opted to buy an iMac as an upgrade of our pc. Actually it was a gift and I was at an emotional jumble thinking that I wouldn't really know how to expertly glide my way through it unlike the PC I've been using before. But somehow, I was able to handle it quite well though I know I still have a lot to learn when it comes to troubleshooting and doing some tricks with it. Anyways, just like in my previous PC, I am that kind of person who likes to dress up my screen. I placed different desktop photos as wallpapers and I am an OC when it comes to cleaning it each time after use, so. The control button on the keyboard is quite different from the usual keyboard. It's labeled command. and it has no numeric keys but only those found with the different symbols like @#$ etc. Over all, I realized, its fun navigating around it and that's probably why a few of my friends opted in using mac instead of their pc's. as for now, i have placed my affinity on the tv show

recently i found out that my partner's adopted mom had passed away. it was devastating for her and i couldn't imagine how hard and how painful it must be for her, when she lost that one constant source of love and support she had. well, i guess nothing is really constant in this world, huh. except maybe for change. i don't even know how to go about grieving. if i had been in my partner's shoes? i would have made myself scarce. maybe I'd have jump off a cliff or drive off a bridge or maybe get into an accident just to end the pain. anyways, its hard losing a love one much more if its your own mother that's gone. I wouldn't think of anything more painful probably than losing the one person who have reared for you for all those years. I guess mothers are not only our provider and care giver but our friends. They are our greatest fans especially when we're just starting out to discover the world or when we get to perform in front of our school with a song

as i opened my eyes, i smiled. i remembered the last time... you sat there waiting for me... i don't even know what to do. time went on, tick tock tick yet, i'm still thinking how to... the several layers of your body, so inviting, so tempting, i'm doom. i feel the need to taste you, feel your skin on my mouth salty and sweet yet tangy at once you satisfied me with every plunge. i miss you my succulent burger...

i lay awake for a few minutes thinking, eyes fluttering sideways the clock ticked away toward noon as i continue to gaze at the ceiling. has there been any changes at all? perhaps a tint of silver on my hair or maybe a spot of red for a pimple   perhaps the sting of an ant's ample bite. my phone lay there so silent my mind so fused with thoughts, feelings felt like its ready to burst out of my head i cant let it out. i cant. i tired. so tired.