to my mama...
recently i found out that my partner's adopted mom had passed away. it was devastating for her and i couldn't imagine how hard and how painful it must be for her, when she lost that one constant source of love and support she had. well, i guess nothing is really constant in this world, huh. except maybe for change. i don't even know how to go about grieving. if i had been in my partner's shoes? i would have made myself scarce. maybe I'd have jump off a cliff or drive off a bridge or maybe get into an accident just to end the pain.
anyways, its hard losing a love one much more if its your own mother that's gone. I wouldn't think of anything more painful probably than losing the one person who have reared for you for all those years. I guess mothers are not only our provider and care giver but our friends. They are our greatest fans especially when we're just starting out to discover the world or when we get to perform in front of our school with a song and dance number or better yet, an unlikely display of beauty queen complex when we joined school pageants. They are always there to support and encourage us to do our best.
Though some mothers may not be like that, staged moms are referred to, some are just quite a little strict on the side and somewhat passive when it comes to giving support and being there during each performances yet still, i realized that even if they're not showy, like my mama is, i know that they are happy and proud somehow of what i have accomplished as i've been growing up. I've felt how she had tried so hard to instill in me the value of everything especially of having a stable financial resource. I guess she just wants me to have a stable and successful life. A life filled with love, care and stability both financially, emotionally and physically. I understood that when I was still trying to dodge the 4x4 wood she was hurling at me one time when i was younger, because I wasn't able to do the errand she asked me to do (she asked me to purchase some cooking oil at a nearby store but instead, i played with our neighbor's kids as i passed them along on the streets and soon forgot about the errand). It was my fault and I've experienced being placed in a rap sheet and asked to kneel in front of the alter (we are a Catholic family) and ask for forgiveness for what I did. And the rest of those "medieval" disciplinary sanctions imposed to me when I was a kid. Somehow, it molded me to be stronger and to never give up no matter what may come my way. In times of difficulties, I get down, just like everyone else but I easily recover. It's like i don't have to spend more time sulking in my room. I am thankful somehow that I was able to experience those disciplinary sanctions and not some (like being placed in a sack, hanged and smoked).
Nowadays, my mother has become a best friend to me and my siblings. She still has that aura of authority but has showed resilience through time. We mostly see her as one of our buddies whom we can joke around with or make fun of. I guess, those past actions are already placed in the past and will always stay there. Her authoritarian hands had grown weaker and in pain sometimes, out of age. But her smile and her beauty still lingers on. She has been a hard and imposing mother to me and my siblings but a good one at that. There is always reason in every actions she had placed upon us and she had allowed us to see that through the years. Despite the problems she may have encountered on her own relationship with my papa, she still carried that resolute stance that she will never give in to any frustrations and problems. She never forgets to pray and ask for HIS continuing guidance and blessings. She still stand as a good daughter, a good sister, a good wife and a good mama to us all. and if in time, it may come, I wouldn't know what to do if she will not be around to wake me up back to reality in moments when I'm lost somewhere else. I guess I have drawn strength from her all these years. and I am very much thankful that HE gave me a mama as loving yet firm, resilient and forgiving as mine.
To all mothers out there, always try to be there for your children no matter the odds. They may not understand the reasons why you're doing things like you're doing now, but in time, they will and you bet, it will come with understanding, care and love from them too. I love you mama. Thank you for everything.
anyways, its hard losing a love one much more if its your own mother that's gone. I wouldn't think of anything more painful probably than losing the one person who have reared for you for all those years. I guess mothers are not only our provider and care giver but our friends. They are our greatest fans especially when we're just starting out to discover the world or when we get to perform in front of our school with a song and dance number or better yet, an unlikely display of beauty queen complex when we joined school pageants. They are always there to support and encourage us to do our best.
Though some mothers may not be like that, staged moms are referred to, some are just quite a little strict on the side and somewhat passive when it comes to giving support and being there during each performances yet still, i realized that even if they're not showy, like my mama is, i know that they are happy and proud somehow of what i have accomplished as i've been growing up. I've felt how she had tried so hard to instill in me the value of everything especially of having a stable financial resource. I guess she just wants me to have a stable and successful life. A life filled with love, care and stability both financially, emotionally and physically. I understood that when I was still trying to dodge the 4x4 wood she was hurling at me one time when i was younger, because I wasn't able to do the errand she asked me to do (she asked me to purchase some cooking oil at a nearby store but instead, i played with our neighbor's kids as i passed them along on the streets and soon forgot about the errand). It was my fault and I've experienced being placed in a rap sheet and asked to kneel in front of the alter (we are a Catholic family) and ask for forgiveness for what I did. And the rest of those "medieval" disciplinary sanctions imposed to me when I was a kid. Somehow, it molded me to be stronger and to never give up no matter what may come my way. In times of difficulties, I get down, just like everyone else but I easily recover. It's like i don't have to spend more time sulking in my room. I am thankful somehow that I was able to experience those disciplinary sanctions and not some (like being placed in a sack, hanged and smoked).
Nowadays, my mother has become a best friend to me and my siblings. She still has that aura of authority but has showed resilience through time. We mostly see her as one of our buddies whom we can joke around with or make fun of. I guess, those past actions are already placed in the past and will always stay there. Her authoritarian hands had grown weaker and in pain sometimes, out of age. But her smile and her beauty still lingers on. She has been a hard and imposing mother to me and my siblings but a good one at that. There is always reason in every actions she had placed upon us and she had allowed us to see that through the years. Despite the problems she may have encountered on her own relationship with my papa, she still carried that resolute stance that she will never give in to any frustrations and problems. She never forgets to pray and ask for HIS continuing guidance and blessings. She still stand as a good daughter, a good sister, a good wife and a good mama to us all. and if in time, it may come, I wouldn't know what to do if she will not be around to wake me up back to reality in moments when I'm lost somewhere else. I guess I have drawn strength from her all these years. and I am very much thankful that HE gave me a mama as loving yet firm, resilient and forgiving as mine. To all mothers out there, always try to be there for your children no matter the odds. They may not understand the reasons why you're doing things like you're doing now, but in time, they will and you bet, it will come with understanding, care and love from them too. I love you mama. Thank you for everything.
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